you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
