i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
