so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
