Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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