you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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