I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
