Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
