You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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