i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
