You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
