this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
