An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
