Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
