Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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