she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
