I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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