STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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