If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
