you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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