He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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