Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
