if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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