hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You dont lie about slip and slides
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
sex in a hospital.. check
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
