Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
