Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
