Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
