i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
