Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm bleeding and have questions
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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