i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
