Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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