Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
