my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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