I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
