There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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