It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
