I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just had sex on a roof
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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