Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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