it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
only you would photoshop your dick
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
