i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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