Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
