my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Randomize
