I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
