waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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