Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
