You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
