Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
