It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
