how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
