Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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