So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
