singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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