Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
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I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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