Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
