Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
