i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
