I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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