I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize