I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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