Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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