I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
