everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
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THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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